Dan Quayle's Harty Potatoe Soop. Exorcist Split Pea Soup. Matzoh Ball, Ham 'n' Hebrew. Alphabet Noodles. Manhattan Phlegm Chowder. Hearty Booger Bonanza. Pigeon 'n' Carp flavored. ![]() Cup- O- Gruel. Chunky Liver with Fava. Beansback to top. Hey, we get 8. 0 channels. American TV 2. 4 hours a day. The colossal failure of. Doing it just to spite. Richard Simmons. Addition of a diet soda. NOT mean your triple bacon. ![]() Laugh along with food humor and cooking jokes. Enjoy our collection of one liners, after all that’s what they are here for! Ambition in America is still rewarded. America is the land of opportunity. Everybody can become a taxpayer. Americans are now in a daze from. Great Trainer Jokes and Funnies. This is a good one on communications in general. You might actually do this as an exercise in the classroom: An English professor. Americans still unconvinced. Part of our country's. Slim Fast shakes taste. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? Because they're always a little. How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison? What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin? Who cares - neither one's a guitar. Glock 9mm Drive- By Salad. Shooter. Baby's First Microwave. Ronco Ice Cream Steamer. Popeil's Turkey Baster/Home. Enema Kit. Frozen Squidsickle Makerback to top. Getting Even: Hillary's. Clean golf jokes and free, funny golfing stories. One-liners and funny short stories about golf. It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. ![]() High- Fat Cookbook. Peanut Butter and Jelly. Sandwiches for Dummies. Bob Vila's Sawdust Cuisine. Mud, Sticks, and Leaves. Cooking with a Four Year Old. Cooking with Condiments. An Apartment Dweller's Guide to. ![]() Ways to Wok Your Dog. Everything's Yogurt.. Lions and Tigers and Beets. Oh My! Newman's Stone: Cooking. Older Gall Bladdersback to top of page. Oysters. on the half shell. The $4. 9. 9 Grand Body Slam. Breakfast. Jesse The Vegetable Tempura. Mankind's Ear, lightly. Hardee's - - Where our identity. Mc. Donald's - - New cooler. Starbucks - - Now with. Quad Macchiato. KFC - - We're NOT a rap. They're charbroiled to satisfy you! Burger King - - Did somebody. Jack- In- The- Box - - We. E. coli. Popeye's - - Buy your chicken. Wendy's - - If Dave doesn't. Taco Bell - - Working around. Die Hard Twice- Boiled Lobster. The Meat Formerly Known. Loaf. Your family automatically. Your son goes outside. Your kids favorite drink. Alka- Seltzer. You have to buy 2. Your kids got even with. Your kids got suspended. Your husband refers to. No matter what you do. You burned the house down. Poached, scrambled, or fertilized? I invented. Spaghetti- O's. Instead of roasting the. Hell. Local organic gardens. The new line of Satan's. Own salad dressings (. As the apocalypse begins. Outback Steakhouse is reduced. His black shroud is really. XXXL . Tofu burritos are in short. Gardenburger now offers. Has started ordering his. At his restaurant, International. House of Tofu (IHOT), it's. Instead of fishermen. Your green beans are attempting. Whenever Gallagher appears. TV, your watermelon leaps. It tastes the same, but. You use the leftover chicken. The label says that your. Family of seven, one turkey. Your Ginsu knives are. Chocchini: Looks like. Ding- Dong. A SWAT team is ordering. Chalupa to drop *you*. If using a touch- tone. Later. call exactly on the hour to. Make up a charge- card. Ask if they accept it. Order a Big Mac Extra. Value Meal. Terminate the call with. Say hello, act stunned. Tell the order taker you're. Make a list of exotic. Order them as toppings. Tell the order taker a. Way Too Damn Happy. Meal. Filet O'Gefilte. Fish. Rocky Mountain Mc. Oystersback to top. Mysterious late- night. Contents of. your curbside recycling tub are stolen. On her show. she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly. You get a. threatening note made up of letters cut out of a. You find your. pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon. The unmistakable. You discover. that every napkin in the whole house has been. That telltale. lemon slice in the dog's water bowl. You wake up. in the hospital with a concussion and endive. You awaken. one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely. Leaving half- sucked lollipops. Breakfast is the most. A simple turkey baster. In a pinch, frozen water. Adding a dash of Drano. Remember: Steak + Crest. Forget to pack the grill? Ground hamster adds a. Your screen door can also. Patrick's. day treat, leave the corned beef out on. You not only get the taste of. If you eat something and. When you eat with someone. Food used for medicinal. NEVER count, such as hot chocolate. If you fatten up everyone. Things licked off knives. Anything consumed while. Anything consumed from. Check the. whiskey again. Beat two leggs and. Turn the cake. tin to 3. Throw. the bowl out of the window. Curious. about a shiny object, she asks. They were eating lunch! The Mexican opens his lunch box and. The redneck opens his lunchbox and sees. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife is. The Mexican's wife also weeps! While. the guests were eating the appetizer, the. As they talk, he can't. He demands. water for the third time but the aid comes. The sheik. demands to know why. They. had been in good health the last ten years. Peter took them to their. The old man looked. Keep a hamster. in your refrigerator to gauge this. By doing so you agree to. You may, however, let others. The oven will. set itself and cook the dinner. If this doesn't work. These are. for future menu items. If you want another variety. Microsoft. Chicken is all you really need. Future releases. will only be in the larger family. Excess chicken may be. This is a feature, not. Your freezer probably. Wilkens. overcome by emotion. St Patrick's Day One- Liners Jokes. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four- leaf clover? A rash of good luck. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? Because they're always a little short. Why don't you iron 4- Leaf clovers? Because you don't want to press your luck. Knock Knock. Who's there? Irish! Irish Who? Irish you a happy St. Patrick's Day! I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus home.. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before. What's Irish and stays out all night? Paddy O'furniture! How is a best friend like a 4- leaf clover? Because they are hard to find and lucky to have. What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day? BOOs. Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland? He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. How do you blind an Irish woman? You put a bottle of scotch in front of her. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? He's Dublin over with laughter! What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? A sham rock. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? Regular rocks are too heavy. Why do leprechauns have pots o'gold? They like to . What do they call the Irish jig at Mc. Donalds? A Shamrock Shake. What has eight arms and an IQ of 6. Four girlfriends drinking on St Patricks Day! How did the Irish Jig get started? Too much to drink and not enough restrooms! Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink on St Patricks Day? It interferes with his suffering! Why did God invent Jameson whiskey? So the Irish would never rule the world. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife? A bachelor. What's the main difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? Why don't women want to get engaged on St Patricks Day?'Cause they don't want to get a . O'Claus! Are people jealous of the Irish? Sure, they're green with envy! What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player? The Halfback of Notre Dame! Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? To keep from falling in the stew! How do you start the St Patricks Day parade in the ghetto? Roll a 4. 0 down the street! What's a leprechaun's favorite kind of music? Sham- rock and roll. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? Sure, they're great at shorthand! What's long & green & has a low I. Q.? Patrick's Day Parade. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? He took a shortcut! What is Irish diplomacy? It's the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs! Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? Because they're very short- tempered! Patrick's Day? Because they're always wearing green. How did the Irish Jig get started? Too much to drink and not enough restrooms! When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? When it's a FRENCH fry! What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? Some poor horse is going barefoot! Why did the elephant wear his green sneakers instead of his red ones? The red ones were in the wash! Why is a river rich? Because it has two banks. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? A Jolly Green Giant. What do bullshitters like most about St. Patricks day? the BLARNEY stone! Why do leprechauns giggle when they play soccer? Cause the grass tickles their balls. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? He couldn't afford plane fare. What do the Irish dream about? Celebrating St. Patrick's Day with his gang of leprechauns. Have you ever heard of the 6- leaf clover? I haven't either! Why do leprechauns hide behind 4- leafclovers and not 3- leafclovers? They need all the luck they can get! What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? He gets wet! What do perverted leprechauns drink on St. Patricks Day? Mount & Do. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? A leper con! It counts as a vegetable! If you thought Valentine's Day was for all the kissing? You haven't met an Irish Women yet! Raise your hand if you are 1% Irish today. I asked her how she colored it and she said she didn't know what I was talkin about. Never iron a four lover because you don't want to press your luck. If you live with younger siblings at home, wearing green on St. Patrick's Day is crucial for survival. St. Patrick's Day Toasts. Here's to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer and another one. May your wishes come true and your truth be wise. Happy St Patricks Day. Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter. Lullabies, dreams and love ever after. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes.. That's the Irish for You! May your blessings outnumber The shamrocks that grow, And may trouble avoid you Wherever you go. May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.(With Irish accent) If liquor were a pond and I were a duck Id swim to the bottom and never come up.. Im not a duck so tip your cup and lets get fucked up. St Patrick's Day Pick Up Lines. Are you from Ireland? Cause when I look at you my penis is Dublin. Now I can grant ye one wish, as long as it involves tongue! St Patricks Day Bar Jokes. Sausage. Paddy and Sean are planning to go out on St Patricks Day, but only have 5. Paddy has an idea, he takes the 5. Sean, goes to a butchers and buys a sausage. Sean is really pissed off at first that Paddy spent their last money on a sausage, but Paddy lets him in on his plan. The barmaid is disgusted by the sight and kicks the two out. Paddy says: . They have just finished their pints.. Sean: . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
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